Joanne Johnson
Female - 30s
the perfect wife who seemingly has it all, a put-together, type-A personality— nothing in her purse is out of place. Joanne is named “Head Housewife” under unusual circumstances and is thrown to the wolves by the other wives when her husband Anderson is indicted for fraud. She crawls her way back to the top as she learns how to change her life and become more like a “real” Real Housewife.

Babette Bellini
Female - 30s
Joanne's best friend/frenemy, is desperately trying to hold onto her marriage to real estate mogul Royce Bellini, who is cheating on her with an “unspecified party” (who we learn is another of our wives). Her friendship with Joanne is almost destroyed by jealousy and rivalry, and their journey toward their patch-up is the heart of the show.

Beezus Horowitz
Female - 49-55
the oldest of the wives, trying to hold onto her youth, elegance, and wealth. Even though she doesn't like it, she acts as the matriarch of the group. When Joanne has troubles, Beezus stirs the water as only she can to create mayhem and chaos.

Lulu Delecante
Female - mid-40s
the mysterious wife with a mysterious sort of English accent. She is a Sultana, and despite her divorce from the Sultan, she still uses the title, which she uses to hide a dire secret from the rest of the wives. Always first to recommend a pharmaceutical pick-me-up, Lulu helps steer Joanne through her early rocky period with the other wives.

Penny Quinoa St. Simone
Female - 30
cute and spirited, this wife is a follower, married to Theodore St. Simone (of questionable sexuality). Penny is both quick-and-dim-witted, a pleaser, and sells a 10-day cleanse called “Babylicious.”

Man
Male - 30s-early 40s
plays all the men in the show: Anderson Johnson, Royce Bellini, Theo St. Simone, a swishy hairdresser, a bedazzling TV host, a snooty shoe salesman, a mysterious gypsy, and so much more. Must be very adept at multiple characters and quick changes.